what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
