I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
