i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
