I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
