i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
