Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
