I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
