i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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