Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he wants to bone in the snuggie
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
