I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
