Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
