We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
