im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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