Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
