Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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