Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
