um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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