I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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