Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
