I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
