clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
