Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
