i think my mom watched the whole time
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I need water and some morals
Randomize
