Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
