Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
