I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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