I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
home. puking in laundry basket.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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