so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sarcasm needs its own font
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
