you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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