so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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