So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
