we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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