woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
