I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
