Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
