I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
