I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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