She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
