Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
