that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
