dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
