I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
