no, he came in my armpit
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
