i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
