I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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