So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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