Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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