if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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