I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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