Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
