You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
