After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
