Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
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my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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