My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.