Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.