New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault