i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
