i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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