So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
