the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
