Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
