i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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