dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
