I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
