I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i now understand why vodka
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
