I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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