But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
