You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
