At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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