I think my vagina is haunted
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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